
Compassionate Repair
Shajen Joy Aziz
Learning not to care about someone’s actions or lack of action toward yourself is never easy. Yet, the pathway to creating healthy boundaries is about self-care. Whenever you think about how or what they are not doing, take a moment and do something nice for yourself. You also want others to do these things for you, yet the journey begins with you. The more you are clear about what you will accept or not, the easier you generate your own life. A new way: one that is filled with love, reciprocity, and respect.
When respect isn’t present consistently, and the experiences leave you confused and empty, your responses will not be at their best. Know this isn’t part of you that is always seen; it is the part that is protecting you because all senses of esteem, boundaries, and who you once were have been stripped, so you feel as though your only choice – Fight, Flight, or Fawn (freeze). For most of us – the fight is the natural response. I urge you to breathe deeply and use your voice to be safe, powerful, and free.
Within reciprocity, intimacy, and love can begin to flourish, either again or anew. Reciprocity in relationships is about discussions and agreements on what relationships mean to you. What does love mean to you? Often, we engage in deep relationships with people who say they love us, and I wonder and am more curious about what that means. We are meaning making machines – what is normal to many may not be to all. As you begin to enter new relationships or are repairing the one you are in – have the hard conversations based on compassion, mutual respect, and well-being and what does love in relationships means, what reciprocity means, how we continue to love ourselves and others in the face of differences, disharmony, and bring it back to open dialogue and compassionate discussions leading to repair.
How to repair
Choose an agreed time, place, and agenda so no one feels like there will be surprises in the conversation. Be clear and compassionate in your communication, and try not to blame, judge, or make statements that cause harm to the relationship. This can be hard when triggered, so working on yourself is essential in this journey we call life. Personal responsibility and ongoing accountability are part of the repairing process when generating new outcomes in a relationship. Both parties must take personal accountability for actions and reactions and create an agreed-upon way to handle disagreements and upsets moving forward. Remember, not everyone will be perfect with this. In fact, this will take practice. The more you engage in this ritual with one another, the more you notice these times turn into special dates laced with intimate moments created by mutual respect and love.








