Learning not to care about someone’s actions or lack of action toward yourself is never easy. Yet, the pathway to creating healthy boundaries is about self-care. Whenever you think about how or what they are not doing, take a moment and do something nice for yourself. You also want others to do these things for you, yet the journey begins with you. The more you are clear about what you will accept or not, the easier you generate your own life. A new way: one that is filled with love, reciprocity, and respect.
When respect isn’t present consistently, and the experiences leave you confused and empty, your responses will not be at their best. Know this isn’t part of you that is always seen; it is the part that is protecting you because all senses of esteem, boundaries, and who you once were have been stripped, so you feel as though your only choice – Fight, Flight, or Fawn (freeze). For most of us – the fight is the natural response. I urge you to breathe deeply and use your voice to be safe, powerful, and free.
Within reciprocity, intimacy, and love can begin to flourish, either again or anew. Reciprocity in relationships is about discussions and agreements on what relationships mean to you. What does love mean to you? Often, we engage in deep relationships with people who say they love us, and I wonder and am more curious about what that means. We are meaning making machines – what is normal to many may not be to all. As you begin to enter new relationships or are repairing the one you are in – have the hard conversations based on compassion, mutual respect, and well-being and what does love in relationships means, what reciprocity means, how we continue to love ourselves and others in the face of differences, disharmony, and bring it back to open dialogue and compassionate discussions leading to repair.
How to repair
Choose an agreed time, place, and agenda so no one feels like there will be surprises in the conversation. Be clear and compassionate in your communication, and try not to blame, judge, or make statements that cause harm to the relationship. This can be hard when triggered, so working on yourself is essential in this journey we call life. Personal responsibility and ongoing accountability are part of the repairing process when generating new outcomes in a relationship. Both parties must take personal accountability for actions and reactions and create an agreed-upon way to handle disagreements and upsets moving forward. Remember, not everyone will be perfect with this. In fact, this will take practice. The more you engage in this ritual with one another, the more you notice these times turn into special dates laced with intimate moments created by mutual respect and love.
Shajen(Shy-Anne) Joy Aziz, M.Ed., M.A.
Shajen Joy Aziz, M.Ed., M.A., is an award-winning international best-selling author, filmmaker and educator. She mentors businesses and professionals, emerging platforms, life-coaches, and those seeking personal growth. Her programs include workshops, seminars and webinars, intimate retreats and a holistic Life-Coaching certification course based on her award-winning book and film Discover the Gift.
Her book, Discover the Gift – It’s Why We’re Here, is published in 24 countries and 14 languages and her film, based on the book, is worldwide and in multiple lanuages–see Discover the Gift on Gaia TV. Shajen is proud to announce she is a contributing author in the upcoming books: Essential Wisdom-Timeless Roadmaps of Self-Discovery, Self-Actualization and Soul Purpose, as well as the fun and smart, Sexy, Fit & Fab Moms.
For over 25 years, her focus continues to be on emotions, beliefs, and systems and their impact on an individuals’ ability to thrive personally, professionally, psychologically, and spiritually. She owes her thorough understanding of humans and how to improve systems to her twenty years of experience as a school administrator, school Counselor, and Special Educator. Her groundwork in the field of education and mental health has paved the way for her to become a leader within the transformational and peace-building communities. In a very short time, her global life-coaching certification coursework and programs have amassed a dedicated community of Ambassadors, Coaches, and Trainers from around the globe.
Featured in many networks such as The Huffington Post, ABC, NBC, CNN, Spirit and Destiny Magazine, The Shift Network, Examiner.com, Catalyst, Spiritual Networks, Life Connection and Vision Magazine, amongst numerous others stateside and abroad. A founding member of the Southern California Association of Transformational Leaders (Assoc. of Transformational Leaders) and The Women’s Speakers Assoc., Shajen is an active trailblazer for women, children, and education.
Shajen has been a guest faculty member of The Shift Network and has been featured alongside Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Desmond Tutu, Barbara Marx Hubbard, and Eckhart Tolle, to name a few. A leading expert in self-actualization and personal development, Shajen has had the pleasure of sharing the speaking stage with other influential New Thought Leaders and colleagues such as Jack Canfield, Michael Bernard Beckwith, Dr. Barbara De Angelis, Sir Ken Robinson, Dr. Sue Morter, Mary Morrissey, David Wolfe, and many others.
Her recognitions include and are not limited to 2017 and 2014 Woman of Outstanding Leadership from the International Women’s Leadership Assoc., In 2012 Shajen received the Peace and Creativity Award presented by Congresswoman Karen Bass and the 2011 & 2012 Woman of the Year Award from the National Association of Professional Women. These recognitions are for her dedication and excellence in her field of education. Honored with the Global Humanitarian Award, presented by Dr. Barbara De Angelis and Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith at the Agape International Spiritual Center, Shajen Joy Aziz is facilitating the healing of others one person, one family, one community at a time.
Shajen@discoverthegift.com
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Shajen Joy Aziz 